Cry Like a Man

1. Unprocessed Trauma Leads to Emotional Incarceration

I was a prisoner of my own emotional incarceration without the slightest idea of how I got there.

Early life's profound losses. Jason Wilson's journey began with a series of deeply traumatic events that shaped his understanding of the world and his place in it. His grandfather, Estes Wright, was brutally lynched in 1935 for defying racial norms, leaving a legacy of fear and unresolved anger in the family. Years later, his older brother Larry was murdered at 17, a tragedy that left his mother devastated and Jason, then only three, confused and heartbroken.

Bottling up emotions. These early experiences, coupled with the subsequent death of his friend Kelly in the first fatal school shooting in Detroit's history, taught Jason to suppress his feelings. He developed what would later be diagnosed as acute stress disorder, internalizing his pain and building "shatterproof walls" around his heart. This emotional suppression became a defense mechanism, keeping the damage inside and pushing it deeper.

The cumulative effect of unaddressed pain. The constant exposure to violence, loss, and the pressure to appear strong led to a profound sense of emotional incarceration. Jason describes himself as a "prisoner of his own making," unaware of how these brick-by-brick defenses had sealed him off. This internal struggle manifested as anger, detachment, and a desperate search for meaning, highlighting how unacknowledged trauma can trap individuals in a cycle of emotional instability.

2. Misguided Masculinity Demands Emotional Suppression

With all the theories, credos, and misleading mantras—“Man up,” “No pain, no gain,” not to be outdone by the mother of all misguided intelligence, “Real men don’t cry”—we have been deceived into suppressing our emotions to impress others.

Societal conditioning of men. From childhood, Jason was conditioned by pervasive societal messages that equated emotional expression with weakness. Phrases like "Man up" and "Real men don't cry" instilled a deep-seated fear of appearing vulnerable, forcing him to swallow his pain and project an image of indifference. This cultural pressure created an environment where showing hurt or tiredness was perceived as a flaw, leading to internalized stress and confusion.

Consequences of emotional suppression. The constant suppression of emotions inevitably sought a release, often through destructive outlets. Jason observed this in others and experienced it himself, noting how internalized stress could lead to:

• Self-medication
• Aggression and violence
• Hitting a breaking point, often taking others down with them

Personal examples of emotional denial. Jason recounts numerous instances where he refused to cry, even in the face of immense pain. When his beloved grandfather died, he didn't cry. When his friend was raped and murdered, he didn't cry. Even after being shot multiple times at age fifteen, he refused to let tears flow, believing strength was measured by how well he could hold back his tears under pressure. This ingrained belief system prevented him from processing his emotions healthily.

3. External Validation is a Fleeting Substitute for Inner Worth

A young man will always dream—of heroes, girls, gangstas, and extremes.

Seeking respect through external means. Growing up in Detroit, Jason witnessed young men seeking validation through superficial means: expensive clothes, luxury cars, and "the thug life." He, too, was drawn to these external markers of success and respect, initially through sports, then promiscuity, and later through music and hustling. These pursuits offered a temporary sense of worth that his emotionally distant father failed to provide.

The pressure of promiscuity. The intense peer pressure to be sexually active led Jason to compromise his values. His virginity was seen as a "disgrace" by his peers and even family, pushing him to seek sexual encounters purely for social acceptance. This led to:

• Stealing X-rated magazines and renting porn movies
• His first sexual experience being driven by obligation rather than genuine connection
• A subsequent feeling of emptiness and disgust, rather than fulfillment

The emptiness of superficial pursuits. Despite achieving success as a DJ and producer, earning the name "Mystro," Jason realized he was using his gifts to "create an atmosphere for drugs, alcohol abuse, and premarital sex." He became a "maestro for Satan's orchestra," manipulating people towards destructive behaviors. This period highlighted how external validation, money, and fame, while intoxicating, ultimately left him feeling detached, indifferent, and without true purpose.

4. A Father's Affirmation is Foundational for a Son's Identity

A father’s affirmation is foundational to a son’s confidence.

The void of an absent father. Jason's father, Oliver Wilson Jr., was physically present but emotionally distant, often critical, and rarely affirming. This absence of affirmation left a profound "father wound" in Jason, causing him to constantly seek his father's approval. He would work at his father's barbershop, sweeping hair, just to be near him, despite the risk of derogatory comments or dismissive glances.

Impact on self-esteem. His father's consistent negativity chipped away at Jason's self-esteem. He recounts incidents like being blamed for "shameful dining etiquette" or being called a "dumb [expletive]" for accidentally turning on the heat instead of the air conditioning. These experiences, though seemingly small, accumulated over time, making him feel like a burden and "never good enough."

The longing for love and guidance. Jason desperately longed for his father's love and guidance, often calling him after difficult experiences, only to be met with indifference or dismissal. This lack of a "sane voice of adult reason" left him feeling like "a boxer without a corner," taking jab after jab without a place to rest or breathe. This deep-seated yearning for paternal affirmation profoundly influenced his identity and emotional development.

5. Spiritual Awakening Unlocks True Freedom and Purpose

His Word has taught me that true manhood is seen in my ability to make mature decisions, live a disciplined life and be a servant to others, instead of possessing a careless self-serving, self-preserving mind-set.

Sinclair's radical faith. Jason's older brother, Sinclair, underwent a profound spiritual transformation at Tuskegee University, embracing Yahushua (Jesus) with radical conviction. Sinclair's unwavering faith, evident in his Bible studies, prayer, and worship, deeply impacted Jason, planting seeds that would later grow into his own spiritual destiny. Sinclair's life became a living example of true manhood rooted in service and discipline.

Divine intervention and a life-altering promise. Despite Jason's initial resistance to "Jesus mythology," a near-fatal car crash on his 21st birthday served as a powerful divine summons. After arguing with Nicole about God's existence, he fell eight feet with a forklift, narrowly escaping death. In that moment, gazing at the stars, he recognized Yah's presence and promised, "I’ll never go against You again." This accident became the catalyst for his spiritual reconciliation.

Embracing a higher calling. This encounter marked a turning point, shifting Jason from irreverent skepticism to a deep, personal relationship with Yah. He began to discern Yah's wishes, follow His narrow path, and find peace amidst the chaos of his life. This spiritual awakening provided him with a new identity and purpose, moving him away from self-serving pursuits towards a life dedicated to Christ.

6. Uncompromised Conviction Requires Aligning Actions with Faith

No one can serve two masters.

The challenge of dual loyalties. After his spiritual awakening, Jason faced the difficult task of aligning his actions with his newfound faith. He realized he couldn't serve both the world and Yah, a truth powerfully echoed by the Scripture, "No one can serve two masters." This conviction forced him to confront the hypocrisy of his past, where he sought to reach the lost while still participating in worldly activities.

The strip club incident. The night before his wedding, Jason's groomsmen took him to a strip club for a bachelor party. Though reluctant, he went along, not wanting to "come off holier than thou." This decision led to a painful confrontation with Nicole, who accused him of being a "hypocrite." This moment served as a "lightning strike," exposing the gap between his professed faith and his actions, and prompting him to make a decisive change.

A public declaration of faith. Deeply affected by Nicole's words, Jason made a public declaration to his groomsmen, stating, "I’m not the guy I used to be... I need you to know now that I’m not doing the things I used to do. Those days are over." He committed to glorifying the Most High in all aspects of his life, including his music, and refused to produce lyrics promoting violence, drugs, or sex. This uncompromised conviction solidified his new identity and earned him renewed respect.

7. Forgiveness and Vulnerability are Pathways to Healing

I’d also never felt release like that—grief, regret, love out in the open. All of it. And when it was over, I felt free.

Marital strife and the "other woman." Jason's marriage to Nicole faced significant challenges, including a period of separation triggered by a misunderstanding involving another woman. Though their relationship was platonic, a joking voicemail from a friend led Nicole to believe otherwise, causing her to pack Jason's bags. This incident highlighted his inability to express emotions and fight for his marriage effectively.

The power of transparent vulnerability. During a counseling session, with Nicole and the "other woman" present, Jason finally broke down. After the woman clarified their platonic friendship, Jason looked at Nicole, declared his love, and for the first time, cried openly in front of her. This act of vulnerability, though initially embarrassing, brought an unprecedented sense of release and freedom, initiating the healing process for their relationship.

Reconciliation and renewed commitment. The tears marked a turning point, demonstrating a transparency that revealed his true intentions and a willingness to heal. Despite continued arguments, a divine prompting on a bus ride back from a conference led him to reach for Nicole's hand, symbolizing a silent agreement to fight for their marriage. This journey taught them that true healing and reconciliation come through open communication, forgiveness, and embracing vulnerability.

8. Sacrificial Love Transforms Relationships and Breaks Cycles

Love is the answer. It’s always been the answer.

Reconciliation with his ailing father. Years after their last bitter exchange, Jason received a call about his father's advanced Parkinson's disease. Recalling a sermon about honoring parents, he visited his bedridden father. Witnessing his father's frailty brought Jason to tears, purging decades of resentment. His father, who had once verbally abused and ignored him, finally expressed pride and love, saying, "I love you, son." This moment of mutual vulnerability and affirmation healed a lifelong wound.

His father's confession and legacy. During these visits, Jason's father confessed that he had once been called to preach but refused due to his own father's infidelity, which had fueled his anger towards the church. Jason fulfilled his father's wish by preaching his first sermon, which his father proudly listened to. This reconciliation, marked by shared prayers and tears, demonstrated that love and forgiveness could break generational cycles of pain and regret.

Caring for his mother with sacrificial love. Jason extended this sacrificial love to his mother as she battled dementia and Alzheimer's. He took on the primary caregiving role, mowing her lawn, cleaning her house, and spending quality time with her. Despite the challenges—taking away her car keys, enduring her paranoia and combative moods—he embraced the role, remembering her past advice to prioritize his family. This commitment, though arduous, became a profound act of love and service.

9. Grief Must Be Expressed for True Healing to Occur

Ungrieved losses are unhealed wounds that eventually get infected with depression, anxiety, and fear, just to name a few harmful side effects.

The profound impact of unexpressed grief. Jason learned firsthand the devastating consequences of unexpressed grief through multiple losses. He initially suppressed his emotions after the death of his friend Big D, a physically imposing man who died of a heart attack at 41. However, Pastor Haman Cross Jr.'s simple advice, "Jason, cry," allowed him to finally grieve, giving him the strength to speak at the funeral and find closure.

Crying as a natural, healing response. Jason realized that crying was not a sign of weakness but a necessary human response to heartache, modeled even by Jesus. He understood that "ungrieved losses are unhealed wounds" that can fester into depression, anxiety, and fear. Embracing this truth allowed him to process the pain of losing Big D, and later, to support his mother through her own journey of grief and forgiveness.

His mother's final liberation. As his mother's dementia progressed, she experienced a lucid moment, expressing her desire to be "free, to feel joy again." Jason encouraged her to "let go of her past," leading her to accept Christ and forgive the men who murdered her father, her abusive first husband, and the boys who killed her son. This act of forgiveness, accompanied by tears, brought her profound peace and radiance, demonstrating the liberating power of expressed grief and faith.

10. Redefining Manhood Through Emotional Stability and Transparency

Real power is when a man can navigate through the pressures of this world without succumbing to his negative emotions.

Healing the father wound. Despite reconciling with his father, Jason still carried a "festering father wound." It wasn't until attending The Crucible Project, an intensive Christian men's retreat, that he found a safe space to be courageously transparent. He realized he had allowed Satan to haunt him with painful memories, rather than allowing the Holy Spirit to highlight the good. This realization purged resentment and brought liberation, healing his father wound.

The Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy (CATTA). This personal healing fueled Jason's mission to redefine manhood. He founded CATTA, using martial arts and biblical principles to teach boys and young men Emotional Stability Training (EST). The program focuses on:

• Demonstrably ruling emotions
• Unapologetically expressing emotions healthily
• Introspectively confronting and conquering negative emotions

Courageous transparency as true strength. CATTA emphasizes that "real power is when a man can navigate through the pressures of this world without succumbing to his negative emotions." A viral video of a recruit named Bruce, struggling with self-doubt rooted in fear of failure, resonated globally, prompting men from all walks of life to seek help. Many admitted it was the first time they had cried since childhood, recognizing the freedom in vulnerability.

11. Purposeful Service to Others Cultivates Lasting Legacy

My passion and pursuit in telling my story in this book is to help boys and men find their strength to become courageously transparent about their own brokenness and to shed light on the symptoms, causes, and effects of childhood trauma and 'father wounds.'

Transition to purposeful service. After recovering from his back injury and the housing market collapse, Jason transitioned from his successful construction business to working at University Preparatory Academy (UPA). He served as security and a mentor, using his construction skills to maintain the facility and his relational approach to calm rival gangs. His ability to connect with students, even those from outside the school, demonstrated the power of Christlike compassion.

The Yunion's expansive impact. This experience led him to expand The Yunion, his Christian hip-hop label, into a nonprofit mentoring service. After securing a grant, The Yunion reached over ten thousand Metro Detroit youth with:

• Innovative prevention programming
• Engaging workshops, assemblies, and conferences
• Culturally relevant articles and discussions, challenging them to "carry their cross"

Building a legacy of valor. Jason's work at UPA and through The Yunion shifted his focus from building houses to building "young men of valor." He saw each boy as a potential "temple" for Yah's Spirit, assisting the "Chief Carpenter" in their construction. His mission is to help boys and men find strength in courageous transparency, heal from trauma and "father wounds," and ultimately, to "cry like a man," embracing emotional freedom and purpose.